I’m in my early 20’s. Described as the most intense time in your life, as you discover what it means to be you. Throughout your life, if you’re lucky enough, you have two parents to raise you and fill your head with ideas of what success is and isn’t. Sometimes, our parents fall a little behind us. They, over years and years of throwing themselves so deeply into love for their children, can develop a control complex. Because they love you so much, and they have an idea of what success will be for you. They start to tighten their grips on you as you grow and leave your teenage years behind. Any, and every time that you make a decision-that doesn’t coincide with their idea of success-they will push against it, have a temper tantrum, it’s almost as though they have become the child in the relationship.
This is incredibly hard, because your parents have always been a beacon for you, a safe haven. A place where you know you will be loved and accepted. Although, you may accept yourself, they may not accept you. This is not a reflection of you! You choosing what makes you happy, and choosing yourself is the ultimate form of self love because after all this is your life. Your life, your future, your decisions, your career, your partner, your cities, your travels, your health, this is you.
What I’m about to tell you may not sit well with most of you.
It is okay to choose yourself over your parents.
If you’ve lived a life similar to mine at all, then you know the pain of having a mother so viciously thrash against you that it causes you real physical heart ache. So this is a lesson in letting go of that pain… and learning to choose you, even though that may mean not choosing her. Because after all, it’s her choice whether or not she wants to be in your life.
You know when you are in the right, you as a human being have an intuition that burns for you and only you.
Being a human is so interesting, because we have this internal tick that tells us when we’re right, and when we’re terribly wrong. When you’ve done a bad thing, say cheating on a loved one, you get this gut wrenching pain after you do it, telling you that this has somehow gone against your deeply rooted consciousness. That is your intuition. Parents over and over and over will tell us how we are wrong, how we have wronged them, how our lives are lost if we make decisions true to ourselves. That is the lesson here, learning what is and isn’t true to yourself. Going deep inside, connecting to that intuition and following it at all costs.
Don’t fight with fire.
Often in life we hear the expression ‘You don’t fight fire with fire. You fight fire with water.’ But why in our lives, does everything have to be a fight. Why must we fight against the fires of the people we love the most. It may sound selfish, because your parents are family, but at some point-your fight has to be over. At some point you have to realize that you cannot spend the rest of your life fighting with someone over a deeply seeded problem that you cannot help them with. Realize that they are fighting their own personal battles because they too are people. Realize that you don’t have to be the one that fixes them as they can only fix themselves. You cannot fight who they are, just as they cannot fight who you are.
Continue living your beautiful, authentic life.
Keep choosing you. Keep choosing your passions. Keep pushing. Keep sacrificing. Keep your eye on the prize. Keep travelling. Keep growing. Keep saving and then spending. Do not ever believe you don’t deserve everything that’s coming to you, because you do.
I cannot begin to tell you, how much my parents have fought with me because I choose to travel and get to know the world, rather than live a life they have chosen for me. But, I continue to choose me. Because it is my life. Because I am doing them no harm, they simply choose to receive it in a way that harms them.
Meditation For Letting Go
- find a quiet spot
- get comfy, surround yourself with things that make you happy
- light a candle, some incense, play some melodic meditation music or African drums, dim the lights, face a beautiful window, set yourself up in a happy relaxing space
- sit cross legged, or lay down-ensuring that your spine is straight
- take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, making each breath longer and longer than the one before
- repeat in your head “I trust myself, my intuition will guide me. I am done fighting with fire. I will live a beautiful, authentic life.”
- take a moment to express gratitude for everything coming, and going to you
- give yourself a hug, and smile
- open your eyes, and face the fires of those that you love as yourself…knowing when it’s time to stop fighting, as you live your beautiful life